I'm in a Etiquette & Manners group and one of the ladies was talking about how people respond to getting a gift. Here's what she said...
"Why does it bother me so much when I give a gift to someone and they respond “you shouldn’t have”. The next time it happens I am taking it back, and saying sorry, I didn’t know. I know it’s petty, but it really annoys me."
I was taught that if someone gives you a gift then you should gift them in return. So if someone gives me a gift on my birthday then I should do the same on theirs. Sometimes that's just not possible financially.
I was also raised hearing my mom says "Oh you shouldn't have!" when she would receive a random gift. So I do tend to say that when I get a random gift because I learned it from her while growing up. We do learn our manners from our parents, well some of us do anyway.
My friends and loved one's know that when I give random gifts it's because I love them and were thinking of them at the time of purchasing it. I also don't expect anything in return.
She took the words "You shouldn't have" as being negative. When people often respond that way out of being flattered, speechless, or overwhelmed; most importantly, they feel honored and a little embarrassed because they aren't exchanging a gift. it certainly doesn't mean that she or he doesn't appreciate the effort that went into the gift giving.
Surprisingly, gift giving requires some grace on the part of the giver, especially when an expected response from the recipient isn’t returned. It’s really supposed to be about the recipient, not the giver, too.
