What I learned this week...

It was a seriously annoying day. At work I am one that some folks go to for venting their anger and frustrations out. 
Not once do I ever relay their vents to a manager or supervisor because I know that they need to get that frustration and negative thoughts off their chest and out of their heart.
I listen intently and give whatever advice I feel is needed with no judgement. I simply listen and let them pour their hearts out.

I made the huge mistake of venting to the wrong person, to someone who I thought of as my friend. She in turn went and spilled my frustrations to the manager I was venting about. That manager didn't need to know what I said, it was simply a way for me to get that frustration off my heart and out of my head. Everyone needs to vent.. Right?

I am heartbroken. This person is someone whom I considered to be a good friend. That friendship is forever broken and for the life of me I will never be able to forgive her broken trust. I know she did it for her own gain to make herself seem better in the eyes of the managers, but after everything I've done for her emotionally and financially.. I'm just shattered. Her phone# is out of my phone and I'm no longer going the extra mile for her at work like I used to. 

So what have I learned this week? I learned that there are snakes in the grass at my work. They will be your friend to your face, but have no problem stabbing you in the back when it's to their own gain.

100% Truth!

 

This is true on so many levels. I have had so many rough days and didn't talk about what was bothering me with anyone. 

It's so hard for me to open up to people about my problems because I feel as if I'm being a burden to them by dumping my toxic mind dump onto them. 

It's just hard so I hold it all in and keep them bottled up. By doing this those pent up emotions have a tendency to turn into built up anger.

Meditation and naps help me to get through rough times. Sounds weird, but that's what works for me.

A Pondering Mind

 

Things at work have been so hectic. While I love my job and am very grateful for the position and the money I earn, I truly do admit that I really miss my alone time. I went from working 12 hours a week to now getting 37+ hours. I went from working 3 days a week to now working 5. I went from having 4 days of me time to now getting two. 

I know this sounds completely odd, but believe me there are days when I really need it. There are days when I just need to escape into the solitude of my own space for a few days before reemerging refreshed and ready to take on what's coming next. When I'm at work I am always focused on doing my job and helping others out if needed. 

I am hoping that once we get a set schedule for the LP team at my work then I'm hoping to get my days off next to each other. I think that would help considerably because then I wouldn't have to rush about getting my stuff ready for work the next am. 

Maybe I'm just weird or just overthinking about things as I usually do. I try not to, but it's just hard for me to quiet my mind when I start to muddle on something. 

This is the song that never ends...

 Sometimes life feels like the song from Lambchops Playhouse. Yeah I know that show because my nieces used to love watching it when they were little's. 

Just when you think things are going to go the way you want them, life is like "Blah, blah, blah...I'm not listening!!!" and things go the complete opposite then you had hoped.

I guess that's life? 

Lately it's been a bit rough... it feels like I've jumped through the rabbit hole and I'm sitting at the table with the Mad Hatter and March Hare and everyone is passing the tea cups around and I'm just sitting here trying to grab one and when I can't my hands on one then I'm trying to figure out what the heck is going on! 

I have goals that I'm struggling to reach and I'm feeling very discouraged about it. I'm trying not to, but I can't help it. It's like Fate is trying to keep me where I am, but I don't want to stay here. I just can't stay here anymore. 

Van Life Dreams... thanks Chrome!

This girl has goals! I'm 52 and next year in October I plan to be living in a van and doing some traveling on my days off. The image is that of a van layout. You can have a bathroom and a kitchen as well as a bed in a van. I want all three.
Mind you I have to get the van first then I'll slowly build everything up as I get the money, but first I need to figure out what I need.

I have been watching video's on YouTube and well.. I blame Chrome Valdez and his channel VANCITY VANLIFE. He literally tells you everything about it. The good and the bad. Most of the time you only see the amazing bits about van life, but with him, he will show you the best and the worst part of living in a van. You can go to his home page and binge it from the very beginning of his 5 year life as a van lifer. He travels all over Canada and let me tell you, it's absolutely beautiful there!  

To Whom it may concern,

As I sit here and await the new year I reflect back on my life as it has been thus far. I am currently 52 years old and have had a pretty uneventful life. 

Honestly, I never thought I would reach 52. I have mentioned this a few times in this blog and will continue to do so sporadically throughout the posts.

 

I have been an avid follower of the Royal Family ever since Lady Diana's marriage to Prince Charles. I was 12 years old and completely enthralled by this fairytale marriage. I dreamed of finding my own Prince and living in a beautiful castle in the country I love the most. Great Britain. I may be American by birth, but my heart has always belonged to Great Britian, and it will forever be so.

I was up bright and early for the wedding sitting in front of the tv as close as I could get, without getting yelled at by my parents. There was a blanket wrapped around me and I held my breath as I listened to the music and waited for my favorite Princess to show up at the cathedral. 

After the wedding my heart was so full of joy and happiness. Princess Diana was so beautiful, and I prayed that someday when I grew up that I would be able to meet her. I did school reports on the Family and would dream about meeting her and just listening to her talk about her charities and why she chose them. She made my darkness not seem so dark. 

 

The morning that Princess Diana died felt like the end of the world for me and for many of her loyal followers. I have always thought that as long as Princess Diana was alive the world had a chance. As long as she was alive then no matter what happened things would be ok. Because she was the people's champion. See she chose to put people first over the other charities that were put in front of her.

Like me, she had her flaws and through each flaw I adored her unconditionally. She made me realize that it's ok to be flawed. It's ok to not be perfect. It's just ok to be real. I miss her every single day. I miss seeing she smiling you know the real smile she has on her face when she was with her boys. I miss hearing about her charities, since her death you very rarely hear about them in the news anymore. This to me is so sad. 

Though I don't know them personally I do love both of Diana's boys as an extended part of my heart. I love them unconditionally as I loved her. I miss seeing William and Harry together laughing and talking. I miss seeing them doing outing together, I miss seeing them joke around with each other and I miss seeing them acting like... Brother's. 

Life has a way of screwing with us at times. We tend to lose track of what really matters to us and once we lose touch with that it's so hard to try to get it back. No matter how hard you try there is always something hindering it. I am constantly being told "You can't love them both unconditionally considering everything that's happened between them." But I can and I do, and I will continue to do so until the very last breath I take.

They are her boys; they are her loves. They are the reason she worked so hard to make this world a better place. They are an extension of her. I look back at all that she had done that wasn't perfect. Her boys are not perfect either. They are both flawed, but I believe that deep down they truly do love each other. Their story together is yet to be finished and I pray that their mother is watching over them and their families and guiding her boys together again.

"I'm tired of listening to myself talk when I'm not even talking!"

My youngest niece mentioned something that really stuck with me and had me thinking about it all night. 

"I'm tired of listening to myself talk when I'm not even talking!"

I can completely relate to her with this. There are times when I'm so tired of listening to myself that I literally just want to cry. I just can't seem to quiet my mind and as of late my journaling just doesn't seem to be working. I have a mind dump journal where I just write down everything on my mind in hopes that it clears my thoughts up. 

As I look through the journal it's really all about work and my lack of hours and things that my inner voice is telling me that I can't do so don't even bother trying to do them. For some reason that voice sounds an awful lot like someone I know and it's not mine. That is just so depressing.

I've started visualizing myself sitting on a bench on misty days similar to this one during nightly meditation. I love mist and how it engulfs everything around me. It's oddly comforting to me in this meditation. Last night I sat there and my pup who passed away years ago came and sat next to me on the bench and just laid across my lap like he used to do when he was alive.

I miss him so very much. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and wish that he was with me. 

4 things I do to get through a bad day

No matter what I do there seems to be days that just don't go right for me and no matter how many positive thoughts I push out into the Universe, my day just turns to crap. Those are the days where I just feel like giving up and hibernating in bed until the next day. Unfortunately, that's not always possible so I combat those bad days the best I can. 

1.} I always try to find something positive in a negative situation. Take notice of the word "try". There are times when that just isn't possible, and I really see nothing good in the situation at all. I take those moments as lessons to be learned and remembered to never try that again!
 I mean for example (of something I have never done) ... who snowboards down a flight of stairs... just because someone did it on TV doesn't mean you should ever try it... HELLO broken bones! 

2.} I make it a habit of going through my gratitude list in my head daily. I will always find something to be grateful for in any situation.  There is always something to be grateful for. (Like being smart enough NOT to snowboard down a flight of stairs, yes, I'm talking about you weirdo's who do it!) I count my blessings every morning when I wake up and while I'm lying in bed waiting to fall asleep. 

3.} It tends to take me a good hour to fall asleep, so I try to take naps whenever it's possible to do so. Someday I'll regulate my sleep cycle again. I swear during lock down I was sleeping so well, but now my sleep cycle is all messed up! When I'm in a bad mood, which has been a lot as of late, then I'll lay down for about an hour for a mini nap.  My normal naps are like 4 hours long, so an hour is a mini nap to me!

4.} I try my hardest to meditate as well when I'm having a rough time. It's really hard for me to settle my thoughts. It's like there are 300 people in my head and everyone is talking to me at the same time about different things. I will go to bed half an hour before I normally do and meditate. I have instrumental music playing in the background to help calm the voices to a dull roar.

All in all, folks I choose to be an optimist. I choose to look for the silver linings on bad days. Things just tend to work out as they are meant to and most of the time, I find that I really worried about nothing. I have always said that I am indeed my own worst critic and I'm currently working on firing that critic and find myself an inner self-help guru. 

Your worth is...

 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕:

1. A number on the scales.

2. A dress size.

3. A tape measurement.

4. How you look in the mirror.

5. How you look in a picture you don't like.

6. How you look in a picture you DO like.

7. What others think you look like.

8. What you think others think you look like.

 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒔:

1. Your character.

2. Your soul.

3. Your heart.

4. Your words.

5. Your actions.

6. Your kindness.

7. Your spirit

8. Your mind.

Your worth is you. You are worthy. You are enough. Everyone's skin has texture! There's nothing wrong with cellulite, dimples, stretch marks or pores! Your body is amazing, it keeps you alive!

Phone calls go both ways...

I had an old friend complain to me because I don't call her. Mind you she hasn't called me once since we reconnected a year ago and I have called her a few times. We recently unconnected because she was rather rude about it. The phone calls go both ways.

I am horrible at keeping in touch with people you can ask my siblings and they will agree. I am really bad at it. I don't call anyone unless I have a question, or I need to talk to them about something that is important. I really don't know what to talk about.

Look my life is boring. I literally go to work and come home. Once I'm home I put my pajama's on and I'm in for the day. I literally don't leave the house unless it's to go to work or the dumpster at the end of the complex to toss trash out. It's about a 10-minute walk because I really enjoy my walks and take my time getting there. It really helps that I only go at night so no one will talk to me.

I literally do everything online. My bills are paid online, they are almost all on auto pay and I also have my groceries delivered via Instacart to my doorstep. The only time I go to the store is to get my mom's medications.

There are times when I want to call someone, but then I don't want to be a nuisance and bother them. That is literally what pops into my head every damn time.

So yeah, I will 100% admit that I'm horrible at keeping in touch with people especially family and I do hope you know that I love you more than anything in this world. I'm working on doing better.

So, in the end "friend" ... don't be upset with me for not calling you when you don't/NEVER call me. The phone literally works both ways.

One can only fake it for so long..

 I've been faking it until I make it for 20+ years and it's getting hard to fake it...

I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. In high school in Oklahoma, I was depressed and thought that the world would be better off without me.

Bullying has been a big part of my childhood among other things. Mind you I never even thought of leaving this body by my own devices. That just wasn't something I was willing to do.

As time progressed and we moved to New York, it got harder to fake being happy and "normal" all the ding dang time. I smiled when I needed to all the while inside sobbing into the darkness that lingered in my head. 

I left behind my friends and family and that to me was devastating. When my family used to drive to visit cousins about an hour away, they used to take bets as to whether I ordered a pizza. I usually did have a pizza box sitting on the counter.
Had they actually known what was in my head then they probably wouldn't have left me alone during those times because the thoughts of leaving my body were strong and I did try a few times. 

Back then I was dealing with the depression by eating which resulted in a big weight gain. When we moved to New York I wore a L or XL in clothing. Now I wear a much bigger size. :(  I had successfully replaced the desire to die with the desire to eat. 

The desire to eat has been replaced with the desire to live a long and healthy life. I know it's going to be hard work, but for my family I'll get it done.

Through the Looking glass : Depression, Anxiety, Suicide

TRIGGER ALERT... Depression, Anxiety, Suicide

With each birthday that I move through I am constantly reminded that at 17 years old I really had no desire to reach 20. I honestly didn't expect to reach 19 years old. I literally just wanted to sleep and never wake up. I wanted to be lost wandering through the darkness in my dreams forever. I didn't want to ever wake up.

My English teacher in my senior year {1988} was constantly asking me if I was ok after I would turn in some pretty dark writings to her. It's not every day that a 17-year-old turns in a creative writing paper about tearing one's flesh off their bones to see if their heart was still there. I'm not sure if she ever spoke to my parents like she kept saying she was going to. I think not because they never spoke to me about the darkness, I was dwelling in.

Growing up I literally hated myself. I was always overweight as a teen, and still am, and constantly trying to lose it. I tried diets, exercising, weight loss pills, etc... it just didn't work out for me. I was bullied about my weight all the time. After we moved from Oklahoma to NY, I tried to commit suicide... a few times, the knife was ready, lines drawn on my arm, etc. I just couldn't do it. Every time I tried, I thought about my siblings. I didn't want to leave them so I couldn't do it.

Now at 52, the weight is being lost slowly and I'm walking the border between the light and darkness. I have my moments where I just want to crawl under my blankets and not interact with anyone and then I'll be a chatterbox and talk thy ears off.

~ I've accepted my weight and I know that I will continue to lose it every day.

~ I've accepted my path between the light and darkness... without the darkness we can't see the stars.

~ I've accepted that I have to take care of MYSELF before I can care for others.

~ I have accepted that I'm not going to be model skinny and will never look like the ladies in the magazines.

~ I have accepted that I am so flawed that my heart is permanently broken and when I think of the reasons as to why I just want to cry.

I am not perfect, perfectly imperfect is more my style, but I am VERY happy to be alive. 

Getting rid of bad habits!

So according to this website {How Long Does It Take for a New Behavior to Become Automatic?} it takes about an average of 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit and an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic.

I'm starting this new month with a series of challenges in efforts of getting myself back on track and to get rid of some bad habits I acquired over lockdown back in March of 2020.
I'm always looking for more so this list will definitely be growing. At the moment I have around 15 trackers that I'm working off of.

If you use trackers to keep yourself on point with tasks, what kind are they and do they help?

Martian Bashir manipulated Princess Diana in order to get an interview..

So Lord Dyson, who is a former judge, looked into the reports that Martin Bashir used deception in order to get an exclusive interview with Princess Diana in 1995. BBC. Shame on You! claimed to look into those reports and found no deception well so they say they claimed that he was "honest and honorable". Lies all LIES!

Bashir told Diana that not only had Charles been unfaithful with Camilla, but that he'd impregnated Tiggy Legge-Bourke, had Patrick Jephson secretly on his payroll and that M15 were following her, all with fake receipts. On this basis she gave the Panorama interview and was criticized for being either unhinged or vindictive or both. But it was hardly reckless, now that we know what she was shown. Neither Charles nor Diana deserved that and it has damaged both of their reputations for 25 years.

Lord Dyson says "I am satisfied that the BBC covered up in its press logs such facts as it had been able to establish about how Mr Bashir secured the interview. I am not persuaded by the attempts that have been made in this investigation to justify the evasive responses that were given to the questions by the press.

The BBC should have answered these questions once it had completed its investigation in April 1996… there was no good reason not to mention the issue at all on any news programme. By failing to do so, the BBC fell short of the high standards of integrity and transparency which are its hallmark."

Bashir had fake bank account statements and used her mental health against her by spreading lies that the Royal family is against her and fuelled her fears that the family was out to get her. It has been said by one of Diana's closest friends that she later regretted doing this interview and that she just wanted to hurt those who have hurt her.  

In 1994, Prince Charles came out in an interview and admitted that he had been having an affair with Camilla while married to Diana. Like we didn't know that that was actually happening. I mean c'mon, during a phone conversation he told Camilla that he wanted to be her Tampax..  Eeeww

The two Prince's have issued statements based on these findings and here they are.. 

Prince William’s statement on the findings is very understandably raw:

"It is welcome that the BBC accepts Lord Dyson’s findings in full – which are extremely concerning – that BBC employees: lied and used fake documents to obtain the interview with my mother; made lurid and false claims about the Royal Family which played on her fears and fuelled paranoia; displayed woeful incompetence when investigating complaints and concerns about the programme; and were evasive in their reporting to the media and covered up what they knew from their internal investigation.

It is my view that the deceitful way the interview was obtained substantially influenced what my mother said. The interview was a major contribution to making my parents’ relationship worse and has since hurt countless others.

It brings indescribable sadness to know that the BBC’s failures contributed significantly to her fear, paranoia and isolation that I remember from those final years with her."

Prince Harry’s statement was shorter and sharper:

"Our mother was an incredible woman who dedicated her life to service. She was resilient, brave, and unquestionably honest.

The ripple effect of a culture of exploitation and unethical practices ultimately took her life.

To those who have taken some form of accountability, thank you for owning it. That is the first step towards justice and truth. Yet what deeply concerns me is that practices like these – and even worse – are still widespread today. Then, and now, it’s bigger than one outlet, one network, or one publication.

Our mother lost her life because of this, and nothing has changed. By protecting her legacy, we protect everyone, and uphold the dignity with which she lived her life. Let’s remember who she was and what she stood for."

BBC News: Princess Diana interview: What did Martin Bashir and the BBC do?

ABC News: Princes William, Harry respond to BBC report finding Martin Bashir 'deceived' to secure Princess Diana interview 

NBC News: BBC's Martin Bashir used 'deceitful' methods to secure Princess Diana interview, report finds

I know this feeling very well.

 

So many people just don't understand as to how easy it is to smile when you're dying inside. Someone can be surrounded by love and feel absolutely worthless and also feel unlovable. A lot times those go together. 

They don't understand that it's not easy to get over it or deal with it, it's just not that easy. When you say get over it or deal with it, you are essentially telling that person that their feelings don't matter. 

Sometimes a hug is all that is needed or a hand to hold. We don't need you to try to put us back together, to fix us. We just need you to be there for us while we try to fix ourselves.

There is good out there.

 

There comes a time in our lives where we have to decide how we want to spend our time.

How we choose to see people, places and situations.

Will you be happy and see the good everyday or will you see everything with obnoxious shades of gray and only see the bad?

For your own mental health.. choose wisely!

My favorite Affirmations

Money

* Money comes to me easily and effortlessly.

* I constantly attract opportunities that create more money.

* I am worthy of making more money.

* I am open and receptive to all the wealth life offers me.

* My actions create constant prosperity.

* Money and spirituality can co-exist in harmony.

Love & Relationships

7. I am full of positive loving energy.

8. I welcome love and romance into my life.

9. I am in a loving and supportive relationship.

10. I deserve love and I get it in abundance.

11. I am loved, loving and lovable.

12. I am blessed with an incredible family and wonderful friends.

13. I give out love and it is returned to me multiplied 3 fold.

Self

14. I forgive myself and set myself free.

15. I believe I can be all that I want to be.

16. I am in the process of becoming the best version of myself.

17. I have the freedom & power to create the life I desire.

18. I choose to be kind to myself and love myself unconditionally.

19. My possibilities are endless.

20. I am worthy of my dreams.

21. I am enough.

Health

22. I deserve to be healthy and feel good.

23. I am full of energy and vitality and my mind is calm and peaceful.

24. Every day I am getting healthier and stronger.

25. I honor my body by trusting the signals that it sends me.

26. I manifest perfect health by making smart choices.

Happiness

27. I am grateful to be alive. It is my joy and pleasure to live another wonderful day.

28. Happiness is my birthright. I choose to be happy and I deserve to be happy.

29. Being happy comes easy to me. Happiness is my second nature.

30. Good things are happening.

31. I am deeply fulfilled by what I do.

Oh what webs you weave when you sit on thrones of lies..

Sussexit aka Megexit

OK so here's the deal.. I do understand as to why Harry moved his family out of Britain. He needed to protect his family and in order to do that they had to step down and leave Britain. 

Why the media targeted Meghan, really I don't know, but they did and that was uncalled for. I mean seriously.. why?

Them leaving the Royal family was a good choice, but I didn't realize they would be going to LA. I thought they would have stayed in Canada which is still a part of Britain. 

Trashy Media

We need to remember that the media will post anything that will draw in the viewers. Unfortunately they don't give a damn if it's real or fake news. Those views matter and unfortunately she doesn't, she's nothing more than a pawn in their quest for the almighty $$$. 

Princess Diana's Death

Harry, and William, have been through hell and back and it all started with his moms death. Princess Diana played a rough game with the paparazzi and it killed her. I don't think either of them were truly ever able to really mourn her death without cameras in their faces. Harry's mother's death is one of the reasons he took Meghan and Archie away. That is a game he refuses to play.

Security

I think that with them stepping down as working royals their security would obviously be taken away by the Royal family. They weren't working for the family so essentially they didn't need it. On top of them stepping down, they are both millionaires so really, why would they need security provided for them? 

 They should be able to cover their own expenses because you know, that is why they left, well their reason for leaving, they want to be financially independent from the Royal family. 

Titles

I am really hopefully this interview won't result in them loosing their Duke and Duchess titles. Even if they do loose those he will still be Prince Harry and I believe she would be Meghan Windsor. I think though that in a way if the were to loose them it might be better for them. I think even without the Duke and Duchess titles they would still be able to make a good living.

Modernizing the Royals?

 I can't wait for Charles to become King. I am hoping that he is going to start to modernize the family and eventually, hopefully fingers crossed that Harry, Meghan and the babies start to visit the family so they can rebuild their relationships back to where they were.

Meghan's lies that bothered me

That said, if you want someone to know the truth then you should tell the truth. 

These are the only 2 things that irk me about the interview.

~ Archie could have had a title but they declined it after he was born in 2019. The title also included a courtesy title of Earl of Dumbarton which is a lessor title of Prince Harry’s which Archie is fully entitled to use as the son of a Duke.

~ Meghan knew exactly who Harry was before she met him. According the the book "Finding Freedom" by Omid Scooby and Carolyn Durand they Googled each other to learn more about each other before they went out on a blind date. So she knew who each he was. 

Prince Andrew

The media need to stop profiling Meghan and set it's sites on Prince Andrew, the royal pedophile. Nail him against the wall for having sex with under age young women supplied to him by his pal Jeffrey Epstein. Hopefully this negative bs will shift to him soon.

Queen Charlotte

Britain had a black Queen, Queen Charlotte. She was the second black Queen of England. Philippa of Hainault was the first black Queen of England. She married George III on September 8, 1761, at the Chapel Royal in St James’s Palace at the age of 17 thus becoming the Queen of England and Ireland.

This said I'm happy for them being pregnant and that they're happy in California, I just hope that this interview doesn't completely burn any bridges to the family in Britain and they are able to rebuild the damaged relationships.

People learn more from their failures than their successes.

We are sooooooo afraid of failing that we don't ever even try anything new. When was the last time you truly did something for the first time? Or did you recently have the opportunity but you let fear hold you back?

Wanna know a secret? We have ALL failed.

We failed learning how to walk. We failed trying to ride a bike. We failed when we learned a new sport or instrument. And we learned from it and became better for it. Stop NOT trying new things because you may fail.

OF COURSE you're going to fail.

Failure is how I got here. Failure is how we have electricity and a light bulb. Just tons of failure & persistence. Failure is how you learn what works, by first learning what doesn't.

So don't join this business with me afraid to fail. Join this business with me to change your life knowing you will fail forward. And be better for it. Wiser for it. And stronger for it.

Playing it safe got you exactly where you are now. So if you don't like where you're at, try something new. Mix it up. Fail a lot. Then fail some more. And eventually you'll fail your way to success.

Perfectly imperfect

I am a hot mess 50% of the time,  rocking some crazy bed head hair most of the time. Though it does get brushed for work. LOL. Yep I seriously don’t have it all together at all, not one bit. 

I forget to text people back and for that I'm so sorry! I can literally go days or weeks without speaking to my siblings on the phone. even though we don't talk all the time I they know that I love them. 

I get stressed out easily and this causes me to at time's get all gloomy. I cry over stupid stuff and OMG if I see an animal that get's hurt or is hurt on tv then those water works kick in! 

My memory is trash which is why I'm constantly writing out lists of things I need to do. It’s a good day when I change out of my pajama's on my days off. I consider it pure luck when I actually remember to eat something through out the day. 

No matter what kind of mess I am in at the moment I know that it won't last. It's all a matter of changing my mindset and perspective.