"I'm tired of listening to myself talk when I'm not even talking!"

My youngest niece mentioned something that really stuck with me and had me thinking about it all night. 

"I'm tired of listening to myself talk when I'm not even talking!"

I can completely relate to her with this. There are times when I'm so tired of listening to myself that I literally just want to cry. I just can't seem to quiet my mind and as of late my journaling just doesn't seem to be working. I have a mind dump journal where I just write down everything on my mind in hopes that it clears my thoughts up. 

As I look through the journal it's really all about work and my lack of hours and things that my inner voice is telling me that I can't do so don't even bother trying to do them. For some reason that voice sounds an awful lot like someone I know and it's not mine. That is just so depressing.

I've started visualizing myself sitting on a bench on misty days similar to this one during nightly meditation. I love mist and how it engulfs everything around me. It's oddly comforting to me in this meditation. Last night I sat there and my pup who passed away years ago came and sat next to me on the bench and just laid across my lap like he used to do when he was alive.

I miss him so very much. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and wish that he was with me.