Time to get my s**t together!

 

I have neglected myself for far too long so it's time to get my shit together and take care of myself better than I have been.

I have the addresses and  #'s and now I just need to make the appointments to get my eyes checked out, thyroid dealt with and to get 2 broken molars yanked out and dealt with!

I making a new list of resolutions, I did keep a few from last year and did fail a few, but with successes there are some failure's to endure and that is 100% OK!

Van Life Dreams... thanks Chrome!

This girl has goals! I'm 52 and next year in October I plan to be living in a van and doing some traveling on my days off. The image is that of a van layout. You can have a bathroom and a kitchen as well as a bed in a van. I want all three.
Mind you I have to get the van first then I'll slowly build everything up as I get the money, but first I need to figure out what I need.

I have been watching video's on YouTube and well.. I blame Chrome Valdez and his channel VANCITY VANLIFE. He literally tells you everything about it. The good and the bad. Most of the time you only see the amazing bits about van life, but with him, he will show you the best and the worst part of living in a van. You can go to his home page and binge it from the very beginning of his 5 year life as a van lifer. He travels all over Canada and let me tell you, it's absolutely beautiful there!  

Here's a my top 4 Resolutions!

Here's a my top 4!

1. Love those who have hurt you. Their darkness has made you stronger.

2. Be grateful for everything. Good, bad and in between. Those lessons hurt, but you will grow and learn from them.

3. You have been in the clearance rack for too damn long Woman! Raise your goddamned price tag. You have no damn place on that rack!

4. Most of all... it's time to Evolve. 

To Whom it may concern,

As I sit here and await the new year I reflect back on my life as it has been thus far. I am currently 52 years old and have had a pretty uneventful life. 

Honestly, I never thought I would reach 52. I have mentioned this a few times in this blog and will continue to do so sporadically throughout the posts.

 

I have been an avid follower of the Royal Family ever since Lady Diana's marriage to Prince Charles. I was 12 years old and completely enthralled by this fairytale marriage. I dreamed of finding my own Prince and living in a beautiful castle in the country I love the most. Great Britain. I may be American by birth, but my heart has always belonged to Great Britian, and it will forever be so.

I was up bright and early for the wedding sitting in front of the tv as close as I could get, without getting yelled at by my parents. There was a blanket wrapped around me and I held my breath as I listened to the music and waited for my favorite Princess to show up at the cathedral. 

After the wedding my heart was so full of joy and happiness. Princess Diana was so beautiful, and I prayed that someday when I grew up that I would be able to meet her. I did school reports on the Family and would dream about meeting her and just listening to her talk about her charities and why she chose them. She made my darkness not seem so dark. 

 

The morning that Princess Diana died felt like the end of the world for me and for many of her loyal followers. I have always thought that as long as Princess Diana was alive the world had a chance. As long as she was alive then no matter what happened things would be ok. Because she was the people's champion. See she chose to put people first over the other charities that were put in front of her.

Like me, she had her flaws and through each flaw I adored her unconditionally. She made me realize that it's ok to be flawed. It's ok to not be perfect. It's just ok to be real. I miss her every single day. I miss seeing she smiling you know the real smile she has on her face when she was with her boys. I miss hearing about her charities, since her death you very rarely hear about them in the news anymore. This to me is so sad. 

Though I don't know them personally I do love both of Diana's boys as an extended part of my heart. I love them unconditionally as I loved her. I miss seeing William and Harry together laughing and talking. I miss seeing them doing outing together, I miss seeing them joke around with each other and I miss seeing them acting like... Brother's. 

Life has a way of screwing with us at times. We tend to lose track of what really matters to us and once we lose touch with that it's so hard to try to get it back. No matter how hard you try there is always something hindering it. I am constantly being told "You can't love them both unconditionally considering everything that's happened between them." But I can and I do, and I will continue to do so until the very last breath I take.

They are her boys; they are her loves. They are the reason she worked so hard to make this world a better place. They are an extension of her. I look back at all that she had done that wasn't perfect. Her boys are not perfect either. They are both flawed, but I believe that deep down they truly do love each other. Their story together is yet to be finished and I pray that their mother is watching over them and their families and guiding her boys together again.

Your worth is...

 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕:

1. A number on the scales.

2. A dress size.

3. A tape measurement.

4. How you look in the mirror.

5. How you look in a picture you don't like.

6. How you look in a picture you DO like.

7. What others think you look like.

8. What you think others think you look like.

 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒔:

1. Your character.

2. Your soul.

3. Your heart.

4. Your words.

5. Your actions.

6. Your kindness.

7. Your spirit

8. Your mind.

Your worth is you. You are worthy. You are enough. Everyone's skin has texture! There's nothing wrong with cellulite, dimples, stretch marks or pores! Your body is amazing, it keeps you alive!

Chaos Coordinator

I will never be a perfect person and I will never claim to be.

I will never be a perfect friend and I will never claim to be.

I will never be a perfect sister and I will never claim to be.

I will never be a perfect daughter and I will never claim to be.

I will never be a perfect aunty and I will never claim to be.

I will never be a perfect coworker and I will never claim to be.

I will never be a perfect neighbor and I will never claim to be.

I have never and will never claim the title of being perfect, because that just isn't me. I will never have my ducks in a row or have things all together. What I will have is an lovely order of controllable chaos.

I will always forget things and make mistakes and own up to them. I will unintentionally hurt people and I will always be devastated and eternally sorry for what I have put you through. I will always do my best to be patient and eternally grateful. I will always love hard and faithfully.

There is a Divine source that is higher than us all who doesn't expect perfection from us. To each and everyone one of us that different. This Source goes by various names, it depends on our religion and who we are. This Source is bigger than all of us and most of all... Perfection is not expected nor required. We were never meant be perfect... just perfectly imperfect.

Through the Looking glass : Changing paths

I went from being a Pagan to a born again Christian. I literally ripped up all my 40+ books and bought a Bible.

I was a Christian for maybe 4 months and got so depressed. I was so lost. I was depressed and anxious, I was trying to figure out why God wasn’t listening to me.

Then after crying off and on for 2 hours or so I found a book about the Goddess under my book shelf. The moment I picked it up I felt an overwhelming sense of peace, it literally felt like someone was on the floor in front of me hugging me tight. For once in many months I felt peace and contentment. I felt found.

Last year I bought a bible because I was being pulled toward the Christian God again. I will never leave my Gods and Goddesses, but am happy to listen to what the Christian God has to teach and tell me. I don’t call myself Pagan or Christian any more.

I identify as Spiritual and walk between the two religions. I found my path where I am finally content. I talk to all of the Gods. I know they are there listening to me. See there are time’s when our paths change. Walk on the path you’re led to and listen with your heart. 

Getting rid of bad habits!

So according to this website {How Long Does It Take for a New Behavior to Become Automatic?} it takes about an average of 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit and an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic.

I'm starting this new month with a series of challenges in efforts of getting myself back on track and to get rid of some bad habits I acquired over lockdown back in March of 2020.
I'm always looking for more so this list will definitely be growing. At the moment I have around 15 trackers that I'm working off of.

If you use trackers to keep yourself on point with tasks, what kind are they and do they help?

There is good out there.

 

There comes a time in our lives where we have to decide how we want to spend our time.

How we choose to see people, places and situations.

Will you be happy and see the good everyday or will you see everything with obnoxious shades of gray and only see the bad?

For your own mental health.. choose wisely!

Self Care Idea's

Contrary to what some believe there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. Here's a few things you can do for some serious self care. 

~ Put your phone away! 
~ Internet Detox
~ Daydream
~ Personal Development
~ Vision Boards
~ Reading
~  Watch movies
~ Journaling

~ Drink lot's of water
~ Do some stretches
~ Go outside for fresh air
~ Eat healthy
~ Rest and Sleep
~ Dance
~ Surround yourself with soft and fluffy things


~ Gratitude Lists
~ Meditating
~ Light candles
~ Baking
~ Create a bucket list
~ Read poetry
~ Affirmations and Mantra's

 

Prayer Box

 

I bought this box at the store and immediately placed a prayer in it.
My prayer to be released from fear.
This world is so crazy right now and that adds onto it.

I would love to be able to just lock my family up in a huge house to keep them all safe. 
That's no way to live though and I know we would all be driving each other crazy. LOL
I like my solitude and dislike being around people all the time. 

I'm leaving it all in the hands of the higher up's. They know my heart and only they know how to heal me. 

I'm lost and I'm just tired...

 

I'm feeling super lost right now. 

For the past few months I have been having thought's about faith and where my spiritual path is leading me. 

At the moment it is leading me to follow an extended path to the one I am currently on. 

When I was a seventeen I began my Pagan path. 

That path is forever strong and will never waiver. 

Those Gods and Goddesses have been with me from the very beginning and I will always stick with them. 

I feel like I'm being drawn down an extended path back 

toward the Christian God. 

Thanks to It Works, the pull is so very strong that it's a bit scary.

I'm scared of expecting too much and feeling let down again. 

I'm scared of not being enough and for being an absolute failure. 

I'm tired of drowning in this fear that I carry on my shoulders like a weight. 

I'm just tired...

Just takes a little time..

 

Many years ago I gave my Bible away. I lost faith in myself and my worthiness. 

Today I bought a new Bible.

It's a King James Version and it's beautiful. 

I was blessed to find one in my favorite color. Burgundy!

I haven't read it as of yet, but I hope in time those pages will be opened and I'll dive into the pages like a good book.